Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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