i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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