Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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