dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
