when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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