don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
