i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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