I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
