You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
