he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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