Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
