The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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