I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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