she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
