fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
