If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This is my gift to your gina
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
