He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
