Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
