i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
