The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize