My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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