I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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