i barfeds in our rink
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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