I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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