New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
