yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize