just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
