How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
