i would punch a child for taco bell
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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