Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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