last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
