it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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