Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
