The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
