Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
