If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
