Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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