If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
