I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
