Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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