My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize