Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
