So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
