was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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