I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
