I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
