He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
