evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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