omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize