I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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