We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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