His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
