I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
