She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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