New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
