Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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