WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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