apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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