these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
