OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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