Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
