The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
