I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
