you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize