I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's rum buckets o'clock
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ladies don't puke and tell
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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