How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
