So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
